Sunday, June 28, 2009

Dragon and Bob

Teaching kids sucks. They're loud and retarded and always want to play games. Any teacher worth his salt has heard this countless times:

" games."

"No! Now sit down and listen to my fascinating lecture on the difference between -ing and -ed adjectives."

I have one kid class right now, one that I had a lot of trouble with in the beginning. We've finally established some kind of a cooperative relationship -- they shut up for about half the class and I don't get on them for not shutting up the rest of the time.

The class has 17 (17!) girls and 2 boys.

Meet the two boys: Dragon and Bob

Dragon and Bob are the perfect sitcom pair. Or the perfect buddy cop movie. I can't decide which.

Dragon is obnoxious, self-confident, intelligent, and extremely fat. He wears his weight like a badge of honor, welcoming any disparaging comments thrown his way and quickly brushing them aside. Without fail, every day, Dragon walks down to the snack stand near the school and buys 3 (3!) bags of chips, all to be consumed on the school premises. I of course don't let him eat in class, but he'll try to sneak-eat when given the chance. That's not the only thing he sneaks. Our teacher-edition books contain all of the answers, and if I leave those books exposed for more than a second, Dragon will snag all of the answers and pass them along. During class, he'll blurt out the stupidest shit and you can't help but laugh along. In one exercise, the students had to "design their own city" and write down some of the rules. Dragon's city name? Monkey-Dragon City. Its rules? Everyone can fly, everyone's hair is yellow, and everyone dies. Just the most random nonsense. The class loves it, and I'll be honest, I do too. The boy pushes the envelope and constantly crosses the line, but he does everything with an undeniable charm that makes it hard to remain angry at him for too long. He sits next to the oldest girl in the class (just turned 17), and although he doesn't realize it now (Dragon is only 13), he is spitting mad game at her and the girl is genuinely interested. I can't help but look at him and feel proud, thinking, "That's my boy!"

Meet Bob. Bob is shy, tall and skinny, and not all there. He has this clueless demeanor and brandishes this perpetual smile that it leaves one questioning if Bob knows he's learning English. He moves around with a child-like innocence and utter lack of awareness of his surroundings. The fact that he chose Bob as his name speaks volumes. Readers, think of a "Bob" right now. Chances are, you are thinking of my Bob. It's like he knew the name Bob was perfect for him. Bob is always good for a reaction or two. I sometimes pair him up with two girls because he explodes with this very audible "nooo!!!" But this being Bob, he's smiling the entire time. His English skills, while developing, are pretty bad. No matter how hard I try to instill in his mind that "play game" is not proper English, that's the answer I'll get every time when I ask, "What did you do yesterday?" Bob also has a certain charm that's difficult to describe, but of an entirely different nature than Dragon's.

Bob and Dragon one day during class.

Like I said, this class has 17 girls and Dragon and Bob. The students sit in a U-shape, with the two boys comprising the ends of the U. This way, they only have to sit next to one girl.

They're both good kids and I enjoy them a lot. If there was a movie detailing the two's adventures, I'd pay money to see it.

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