Sunday, March 14, 2010

Have you no shame, Vietnam?

This is what it's been reduced to. All of your preaching regarding sexual conservatism, chastity, and the sanctity of marriage is no match for hormones. A quote from 'shitmydadsays' on Twitter is fitting here:

"It's never the right time to have kids, but it's always the right time for screwing. God's not a dumbshit. He knows how it works."

You know how, before the actual movie begins in a theater, commercials and adverts are shown and the lights are turned up a notch so people can find their seats? And you know how easy it is to see everything in this atmosphere and how unromantic it is?

A friend and I entered the theater for Alice and Wonderland tonight and glossed over the the large crowd. Normally, finding seats would have been a bother, but in Vietnam they're assigned (which is absolutely fucking brilliant). Probably the second greatest idea Vietnam has ever come up with behind the bum gun:

Halfway up the stairs to our seats in the last row, we caught something strange in our peripheral vision. Amid the kids running around, people looking for seats, the "excuse mes" and the "I'm sorry, but I think that's my seat," there was a man -- in plain sight of every soul in the building, during a family film, while a commercial for iced tea was on the screen, in a seat adjacent the aisle -- licking his girlfriend's face as if it were an ice cream cone. No, I'm not trying to cleverly describe making out or passionate, wet kissing. THE MAN WAS LICKING THE SIDE OF HER FACE.

I stopped climbing the steps and stared -- flabbergasted. I felt like I was hit with a bag of bricks. I wanted him to see the look of horror on my face in the hope it would teach social etiquette. Or, at the very least, that this was not correct kissing technique.

The licking went on for a solid 20 seconds. Before I describe the insanity of what I saw next, I want to have a quick conversation with the girls. I think I know all of the answers to these questions, but I'll ask anyway.

Is there anything remotely sexy about a man licking your face?

Would you continue sexual activity if a man pulled this maneuver mid-coitus?

Would your revulsion best be illustrated with a strong shove, a look of utter disgust, or a slap to the face?

Assuming you find this action somehow appealing, would you allow this to occur in a crowded movie theater while the lights are on and people are finding their seats?

No, no, probably all three, and no.

My friend continued on, acting as if she hadn't seen anything. Of course she had, but she didn't want to be rude and make a fuss. The notion of not being rude to a couple disgustingly "kissing" (can we even call this kissing?) in front of hundreds of people is lost on me.

So I stood there. Watching the horrific show in front of me. And then I saw.......his hand.

Which was full-on cupping her breast. Not on the outside, or between fabric and bra, but through the cut at the top of her blouse. Skin-to-skin contact had been initiated. Following successful entry, the man was using her breast as his own personal stress ball and going to town.

March 14th, 2010 - The night I went to see a movie and instead got a sex show.